


Do you want more coffee?

by TheWeirdDane



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Blood, Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-24
Updated: 2013-01-24
Packaged: 2017-11-26 18:52:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/653354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWeirdDane/pseuds/TheWeirdDane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Human AU where Matthias' partner, Lukas, suffers from haemophilia. Constantly in danger of bleeding to death - or at least so much it becomes dangerous - Lukas has to be very careful and Matthias has to be ready to help him. But sometimes, accidents just can't be prevented.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or the characters. This is done entirely for the sake of the fandom and for me. I have had a beta-reader for this but I do not know if she's on this site. On fanfiction.net, she is called 'DancingOnRainbow'.

It was these days he loved. The children were surprisingly energetic and demanded his attention all the time. They pulled at his arms, tugged him forward and outside to play, then inside to draw a few drawings before running outside again to swing or to slide down the small slide. The other kindergarten teachers liked him, too. Matthias was always full of life and he never spared any of them one of his wide grins. When he told stories, he did so with wide movements and he never stood still. He walked around the room, crouching when playing a bad guy or jumping up and down when playing an eager child.   
  
But more than that, he also tested and developed the kids' intelligence. He tested their social skills, their speaking abilities. He set up several plays, all of them with roles for each and every one of the kids. The other teachers would assist him, of course, but he did most of it himself. Matthias would spend many nights in his room at home, thinking up ideas and plots and costumes and dialogues and lines. And it was always a success. The children were deliriously happy when he announced they would be making a play. Matthias himself? He was at least half as happy as the kids. ****  
  
He loved kids and wanted many himself. It just so happened that his partner was a man. A man who most certainly did not like kids. They had had many a fight about this, about whether or not to adopt one. An agreement had never been made and while Matthias was always disappointed, he was okay with it. Because he had the kids in the kindergarten. He was the first to meet in the morning and he was the last to go home in the afternoon. He greeted every single child and the parents with the same amount of enthusiasm every day. Fresh, vigorous, happy and smiling, he would lift the child, give him or her a quick swing before chatting with the parents for a few minutes until they had to leave for work.  
  
Matthias was loved dearly by parents, kids and the other kindergarten teachers. The latter’s love for him, however, depended greatly on his ability to make coffee. Because not only was Matthias an excellent cook and happily made their food, he also made the best coffee the adults had ever tasted. Perfectly mixed, perfectly balanced.   
  
His partner didn't get him. Lukas, as he was called, was a slightly small, Norwegian man with short blond hair and an unruly curl that had its own life. The eyes were dark blue, boarding to violet, and seemed dull about 90 % of the time. He was slim but surprisingly strong and athletic. Matthias liked to think that his physical fitness was better than that of his partner and often challenged him. And because of Lukas' excellent poker face, Matthias never realized he was being fooled before it was too late. Because Lukas always accepted and Lukas always won.   
  
Lukas was the type of person who didn't smile a lot. His face seemed dead and expressionless and not even when he was excited did it change. He rarely said his emotions aloud as well. All in all, he was that kind of person who can be hard to figure out. But Matthias had learned to read him. After several months of spying on him in the bookstore where he worked, Matthias had found out how to talk to him and how not to talk to him. He had put it to good use, using it to get closer to Lukas who only reluctantly let it happen. Lukas was very shy and had anxiety of strangers, it showed. So when Matthias got close enough to become a friend, he was happy enough to make somersaults throughout the entire room.   
  
It had taken another good year before they had moved on from the friend stage. Matthias had been celebrating a friend's marriage at a barwhen his phone suddenly went off. Happy and intoxicated, he had answered without checking who it was. When the panicked voice of Lukas reached his ear, though, it seemed he became instantly sober. The royal blue orbs went wide and he tumbled off his chair, throwing some coins at the table before rushing to the door.   
  
It turned out that Lukas was at home and that he had cut himself by accident when he was preparing dinner. He panicked, for once showing emotions in the normally unmoving face, and his eyes were wide with fear. When Matthias got home he nearly laughed. It was nothing more than a tiny cut on his index finger and he calmly took some paper and Lukas' hand, leading him to the sink. Talking softly to him while he washed the blood away, Matthias only managed to calm the other down a little bit. He was shaking all over and looked the other way the entire time until the cut had been bandaged.   
  
Ten minutes later, when they had made themselves comfortable on the couch and watched a movie, blood continued to trickle down the finger and Lukas began to panic again. He complained about a throbbing pain and that he was dizzy. He felt sick, he said. Matthias once more took him to the sink to wash away the blood and put on a new bandage. This time, it didn't stop. It continued to bleed and no matter how much pressure Matthias put on the wound, the shining red liquid kept on rolling down the finger, covering Lukas’ entire hand in it before long. Lukas yelled at him, voice edged by obvious fear, yelled at him to do something, to stop the blood. His face was pale as a sheet and he looked genuinely afraid.   
  
Being the good friend he was, Matthias called the hospital. He held the phone between ear and shoulder while his hands cleaned Lukas' fingers and gently pat his shoulder, stroking his back. Only few minutes later, an ambulance was parked outside. Matthias helped the shaking and trembling Lukas out of the house and into the ambulance. Contrary to what he had expected, Lukas demanded that he stayed. Not with words but with wide and begging eyes and a bloody hand grabbing the front of his shirt.   
  
At the hospital, Lukas was diagnosed with haemophilia. An illness that hindered the blood in coagulating as it should which meant that even the smallest cut could easily become dangerous. Matthias also found out that Lukas was absolutely terrified of blood, no matter how small an amount.   
  
From that day on, they more or less lived together. They saw each other so often that Matthias sold his apartment and they moved together at Lukas' place. Matthias learned that he brought some kind of safety to Lukas though the man would never admit it and he always denied it when Matthias teased him about it. But soon enough, they moved on and ended up as lovers. Neither of them had asked the other, it just happened one night when they were watching a movie. Lukas sat on the floor between Matthias' legs and enjoyed the sensation of long fingers running through his hair. They chatted a bit, laughed when the persons in the movie did something stupid and were awkwardly silent when the topic 'love' was brought up.   
  
In the end, Matthias had, with a pounding heart and sweat rolling down his face, tipped Lukas' head back so he could catch the man's lips with his own. For a long and deafening silent minute, there had been no reaction from his Norwegian friend. When Matthias pulled away to look at his face he saw confusion and a wrinkled forehead. But already before he could begin to explain, Lukas grabbed his head to press their lips together again.   
  
That had more or less been it. Since then, they had been partners.   
  
Matthias smiled as he stared out in front of him. The coffee was stirring nicely and slowly, the wonderful scent filling the small kitchen in the kindergarten. When he made food and brew coffee for the others he was allowed a little rest. And he enjoyed this silence as much as he enjoyed the loud cheering, screaming and laughter from the kids.   
  
Just as he reached for the bowl of fruit, his cell phone went off. A clear and happy melody. He answered it and took the bowl, carrying it to the room where they ate.   
  
"Hello. Are you Matthias Ko... Kohl... Kohler?" a hard voice asked him. Matthias chuckled lightly. It never ceased to amuse him how people outside of Scandinavia had troubles with pronouncing his name.   
  
"Køhler. Yeah, that's me, who's this?"   
  
"I'm Doctor Harvard from Harper University Hospital. Do you know a Lukas Bondevik?"  
  
 _Crash_. Matthias had dropped the bowl of fruit. Porcelain flew everywhere. Fruit landed on the floor and either bounced away or got squashed. One of the other adults ran into the room, about to scold him for being clumsy but she stopped when she saw the fear in Matthias' face.   
  
"Sir?" the voice asked. Matthias blinked a few times, then looked around, as if just waking from a dream.   
  
"Ah, yes, yes, I'm here, I know him, yes. Why, what's the matter?" Matthias could feel his heart begin to pound and his eyes flickered around the room, not lingering long anywhere.   
  
"Mister Lukas has been admitted to the hospital. He was brought in with severe cramps and an open fracture. He is currently undergoing surgery by some of our speciality doctors."   
  
Matthias could feel his blood run away from his face and he began to shake so much he had to grip the counter behind him. The kindergarten teacher seemed alarmed and went out of the room to assure kids as well as adults that nothing was wrong and that Matthias had just taken an unfortunate step.   
  
"Is... How is he? Beside obviously sick?" he croaked, feeling fear start to sneak into his voice. An open fracture. That meant broken bones and broken skin which in turn meant a lot of lost blood. Which was extremely dangerous to Lukas.   
  
The silence from the doctor was too long.   
  
"His state is critical. We can't stop the bleeding and-"  
  
"Of course you can't!" Matthias shouted as he rushed out of the room, not noticing how he stepped on several pieces of fruit on his way. "He suffers from haemophilia!"   
  
"We know that, Mr. Kohler. The doctors are doing their best."   
  
"Did he call for me?" Matthias asked as he went past the kids and the teachers, not able to notice the shock and fear in their faces. In all the years he had been working here, they had never seen him angry, upset, frustrated or sad. They had never seen anything but the positivity and the wide grin, the eyes glistening with joy and mischief. He was always up to something. "Did he mention my name?"  
  
"Yes, he did. He asked for your presence just before he passed out."  
  
"He passed out? Åh Gud, nej, nej, nej!" The man nearly flew to the entrance to grab his coat and his bag. "I'm sorry, something has come up!" he shouted to those who had dared come closer and face this new side of Matthias. "I'll be back as soon as possible, I promise!"   
  
Less than half a minute later, Matthias was already on his way to the hospital. He ran two red lights but wasn't stopped. The phone was lying on the passenger seat, vibrating in tact with the car. His heart was pounding and sweat was rolling down his face. He could feel his hands shake even as they gripped tightly around the steering wheel. Lukas bleeding in itself was critical but this was worse than what they had experienced earlier. The worst damage Lukas had experienced was a deep paper cut but that had been bad enough.   
  
"Shit," Matthias cursed when he had to step on the brake to avoid crashing together with another car. "Look where you're going, asshole!"   
  
When he reached the hospital, he found the first and the best doctor and asked him about Lukas' location and state. He was lucky. The doctor was in fact the one who had called him earlier and he quickly led Matthias to the closest waiting room. Matthias paced back and forth in the small room, worry and panic building for every single step that he took. Lukas was going to be alright, Lukas would make it through, of course he would. Lukas never gave up, he would never accept defeat, no matter what. It couldn't happen, it was not possible.   
  
Hours went by and the other people in the room slowly left as they were informed about their loved ones. Hours went by and Matthias wasn't informed of anything. Hours went by and though it would soon be night, he wasn't tired at all. Anxiety made him unable to settle down and fear tore at his heart, making it ache and burn. Thoughts whirled around in his head and he couldn't keep from mumbling and cursing.   
  
He didn't know what time it was when a doctor in a former white coat exited the surgery room. The coat was bloodied and so were his hands and his face. There was blood even on his face.   
  
Matthias' heart sank deeper than his liver when the man came closer.   
  
"Mister Kohler?" He nodded fiercely, eyes shining with worry. "The surgery is done. Mister Bondevik will be transferred to the intensive care unit now. You can go with him if you wish but it's my hard duty to inform you that we are not sure if he will make it through the night. His damages are critical, especially because of his haemophilia."   
  
Intense pain shot through his chest and he fell back into a chair, hands gripping his wild and spiky, blond hair. No. No, no. That wouldn't happen. It couldn't. Lukas would hang on, just to laugh softly at Matthias' worried face. Lukas would say it was going to be okay. Because Lukas was strong, both mentally and physically.   
  
"What..." he whispered. His mind was a mess. What had happened? Why had Lukas went into cramps? How did he get that open fracture? "What happened?"  
  
"We were told by one of his colleagues who brought him in that a customer had knocked over a table with old and heavy books. Table as well as books hit his leg and broke it, of course causing the blood to flow. Mister Lukas became so scared that he went into cramps and was unable to say anything. The only understandable word we got out of him was 'Matthias'."   
  
Matthias gripped his hair tighter, cursing once more. Then he heard a door open and he instantly looked up. There, on a stretcher, wired to machines and bags with liquids he didn't know the names of, lay Lukas.   
  
"Lukas!" he screamed and got up from the chair, rushing over to the man's side. The face was as white as the bed he was lying on and he seemed to be sound asleep. "Lukas!" His eyes didn't as much as twitch. There was no sign that he had heard Matthias. "Lukas, please," he whispered and followed the stretcher when the doctors pushed it down the hallway.   
  
"Please, Lukas, wake up!"

* * *

 

Matthias stayed by Lukas the entire night. Right beside him, as close as he could get without climbing the hospital bed. He held the Norwegian's hand tightly and listened to his deep, soft breathing. The machines' beeping. The sounds of the hospital. Other patients snoring or talking in their sleep.   
  
The worried thoughts of his mind that seemed to talk to him. Unpleasant thoughts. Dark thoughts. And memories. Positive memories but negative thoughts that wanted to drown out the picture of him and Lukas. Christmas Eve. New Year's Eve. Good times. A smiling Lukas with a present in his lap. A raised eyebrow over the content. Matthias beaming at him before ripping his present open. A shocked moment where Matthias just stared at it, eyes going wide with surprise, then childish joy before tears welled up in them. Lukas who smiled wider.   
  
"Lukas. Please, you can't just go away from me," he whispered and leaned his head against the cold metal of the bed. His eyes fell shut. "The summer was meant to be ours. Remember? You, me. Alone. After the big party."   
  
The only answer he got was a clear beep from the monitor. Another. Silence. Matthias bumped his head against the metal again, not wanting the tears to fall. They were there, lingering just in the corners of his eyes. Threatening to fall in a matter of seconds.   
  
He could see an annoyed Lukas read aggressively. He had a habit of turning each page with too much force when he was annoyed with something. And Lukas read a lot. There was always a book near him and if he wasn't reading, he was probably looking for a new one to dig into. Matthias would chuckle lightly and watch him with a hand under his chin. And when Lukas growled at him to shut up, it didn't help.   
  
A doctor walked over to him and gently shook his shoulder.   
  
"Sir, I think you should go home," she said in a soft voice. Matthias shook his head and looked up at her. She looked sad.  
  
  _Beep_.   
  
"You look tired. I think you could use some rest."   
  
"Don't need it," Matthias whispered and ran a hand through his hair before wiping his eyes and then looking at Lukas' sleeping face. He was so beautiful. His smooth and pale skin with no blemishes. A cute little nose. Long eyelashes that caressed the white flesh under the eyes. Pretty eyes. Seemingly lifeless but they could still enchant Matthias for hours if he was allowed to. He could stare forever at the soft, blond hair, wondering what was up with that little curl in the back of his head. Once, Matthias had tried to pull it for fun. He had spent the rest of the day in bed and with a jar of painkillers.   
  
_Beep._  
  
He remembered seeing Lukas’ body for the first time. Lukas had been adorably nervous and reluctant but calmed by Matthias' soft and encouraging voice he had grown a little bit more confident. With slow and still insecure movements he had taken off his shirt and looked away when Matthias helped with the pants. Matthias had asked why he was nervous. Lukas answered with 'Because my body looks feminine.' This had pulled a soft but friendly chuckle from the other, made him press a kiss to the crook of Lukas' neck before he continued. 'It's not very muscular and my muscles aren't big like yours'. That was the most of a compliment you could get from Lukas. Matthias had kissed him to silence, following up with calming touches. Promised him without words that no body would be worshipped as much as his. No one would be as loved as Lukas.   
  
_Beep._  
  
It had been the best night of his life. Lukas curled up against him and pulled the duvets tightly around them. They fell asleep like that and when they woke up, Lukas had ordered him to make coffee. Full of energy and happier than he could remember having been for a long, long time Matthias didn't hesitate but jumped out of bed and rushed to the kitchen to make the best pot of coffee the world had ever tasted. It had pleased him immensely that Lukas had raised an eyebrow in surprise at how good it was. And from that day on, Matthias made Lukas coffee every single morning. Before the other woke up, he would sneak out of bed and into the kitchen to prepare a full breakfast, complete with eggs, bacon, sausages, toast and coffee.   
  
_Beep_.  
  
You could say many things about Matthias. He was loud, he often got drunk - but was no alcoholic - and he could be awfully sarcastic. He wasn't good at cleaning up after himself and he most certainly didn't find it entertaining to make the bed. He left his stuff everywhere in the house and it was Lukas' job to force him to clean up every Sunday. But it was hopeless. Already on Tuesday, it was possible to find Matthias' pyjamas in the living room and his laptop could be resting on the small shelf in the bathroom.   
  
But no matter how obnoxious he was, no matter how annoying he could be, he was loyal. He was reliable and he could be trusted. He kept his promises. He showered Lukas with love, gave him flowers on the smallest occasion and at his birthdays, Lukas could easily be called the luckiest guy in the world. Matthias would do everything for him, bring him what he needed and wanted. Presents were always the right ones; Matthias had never bought Lukas a present he hadn't liked.   
  
. . .  
  
"Hey, Luke. You remember the coffee I make for you? Do you think they will let me make a pot for you when you wake up?"   
  
Matthias ignored whatever the doctor beside him said. "You like it so much. You nearly smile when you take the first sip. And you know, you drink more of that junk than anyone I've ever known. That's a lot. You drink even more than the average Finn. That's crazy."   
  
"Sir, I really think you should-"  
  
"I don't want to, okay? Let me sit here, I want him to know I'm here and I will not leave him," Matthias snapped at her, not taking his eyes off Lukas' face. Had it... become paler? Matthias looked at the bags hanging around him. There was still plenty of blood in them, and plenty of clear liquid in another. But he looked paler than before. The already white skin had taken a ghastly nuance.   
  
"Lukas." Matthias' voice was slightly alarmed. "Lukas, please, don't leave me. We have so many plans. Not only this summer but also next one. Winter in Italy. Skiing, remember? You love to ski and you always complain about never having been to the Alps."   
  
Lukas had watched with a shine in his eyes when there had been skiing in Italy in the television. Commenting on the beautiful surroundings, the snow, the steep pistes. A true, genuine enthusiasm, a wish to go there. And Matthias had approved. He wasn't good at skiing - an accident as a child had scared him - but he was trying to get over it. He just wanted Lukas to be happy. So he had started to save up money.   
  
"Livigno, Lukas. Livigno. That's a perfect place. It has great pistes and you won't believe how good the snow is. I got a friend to research for me, you know how I don't know a thing about that." Anxiety started to seep into his voice. There had been silence for too long. The doctor was fumbling with the bags, then the machine. Her expression changed.   
  
There should be a beep. Why was there no beep?   
  
"Luke, don't do it, don't leave me. Stay here, Luke, please." Where was the beep, it should be there now!   
  
"Luke!" It was almost a scream from the top of his lungs. "Luke! Please, don't go!" His hand tightened around Lukas' and he began to shake again. Fiercer this time. The hand was so cold. It couldn't be. It wouldn't happen. Lukas would not give in, not like that. It was too easy for him. He wouldn't give up without a fight. He could fight better than that, he was strong.   
  
A high-pitched sound.   
  
"Luke!" His voice echoing in the relatively empty room. The door opening. Doctors running in with all kinds of equipment. Lukas who didn't move. His breath that couldn't be heard.   
  
The high-pitched sound continued. A long, clear beep that didn't stop. It took no end. Matthias stared in horror, in fear, in tears when he was pulled away and doctors flocked the bed with the small man.   
  
"Luke! Don't you dare die on me!" he screamed, fighting against the nurses' grip on him. They were surprisingly strong and managed to hold him back, though. He could hear the sound of rushing blood in his ears, he could feel his heart pound hard enough so it had to break his ribs. His breath that hitched in his throat, tears that fell from his eyes and over his cheeks.   
  
"Lukas! Lukas, no, come back! Don't-"  
  
"Sir, please-"  
  
"No! Let go of me, please! Lukas, come back, I'm here, you can't let me continue on my own!" You're the best thing that has ever happened to me! You made me settle down! You made me think about my life!   
  
"I'm lost without you!"   
  
Through a vision blurred by tears he could see doctors fumble around with instruments, he could see them move around, give each other more room. They were speaking quickly, passing each other objects.   
  
"I don't want to do this without you!" I _can’t_ do this without you!  
  
How much time passed he didn't know. Ten minutes, half an hour, a whole. He didn't know and neither did he care. He only cared for the moment the doctors withdrew from Lukas' body. The moment they admitted defeat. When they disconnected Lukas from the monitor. Disconnected him from the bags with vital liquid.   
  
The silence was deafening. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's hard to wake up every day and realize over and over again that you don't have your loved one anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or its characters. This is done entirely for the sake of the fandom and for me. As before, this has been beta-read, and once more by 'DancingOnRainbow'.

 

It was these days he hated. The children looked at him with worry and they only rarely wanted to play with him. Their tugging at his arms or his hands was careful, nearly afraid.  
  
They missed his vigour, they missed his energy. His wide smile and his eyes that glistened of mischief. They missed his gravity defying hair that had always stood directly up into the air. It now hung around his face.  
  
Matthias woke up alone every day. Looking to the side, he could nearly see Lukas curled up against his chest, holding his arm as if afraid he would leave. He could almost feel his warm hand. If he concentrated, if he really focused hard, then he was so close to imagine the scent that always was around his Norwegian partner. The faint scent of forest, coffee and old books.  
  
If he closed his eyes, he could see him. Right there. Right in front of him. He could hear his voice. 'Make me some coffee.'  
  
"Of course, Luke," Matthias mumbled and opened his eyes, feeling his heart ache when the image disappeared and he only stared at a window revealing another bright, sunny day.  
  
But why was the sun even up? What reason was there to be happy? How could people, Matthias thought as he walked out of the room and into the kitchen where he stared down at the street where people passed by, be so joyous? Didn't they notice that something, someone was missing?  
  
He opened the cupboard and found the jar of coffee beans. Lukas had only liked his coffee with a certain amount of them. Matthias had made sure to remember exactly how many. Not one too many and not one too few. Only the best was good enough for Lukas.  
  
When it was done, he found Lukas' favourite mug - as stupid as it sounds, Lukas had strong ownership feelings for a mug with a moose and two birds - and poured the hot liquid into it, then placed it on the counter. There was no reason to make food. Matthias wasn't hungry this morning.  
  
"Coffee is ready," he mumbled and went into the living room to watch the early morning news. Nothing of interest. He wasn't surprised. Few things had been able to catch his interest lately. There had been that one thing about a UFO apparently having landed somewhere in Texas. People were crazy about it and didn't talk about anything else. They were excited as well as they were scared.  
  
There was something about sport. Russia had beaten Canada in hockey, it seemed. Matthias sipped his tea, watching the persons on the screen talk but didn't hear what they said. Probably just something about how the Russian team had some beautiful and very effective tactics. How the Canadian team had perfect and flawless teamwork.  
  
The weather would continue being sunny for the rest of the week. Sun every day, only little risk of rain and most certainly warmer than 15 degrees Celsius. All in all, a good week, the weatherman announced with a smile before Matthias turned off the television and got up from the couch.  
  
On his way to the sink, he grabbed the mug that had grown cold. With an aching heart and the feeling of a hand grabbing his throat, he emptied the mug into the sink. It was a long time since his coffee had been drunk. It always ended up getting cold.  
  
 _A long aisle. People on both sides. All dressed in black. His friends and family. Lukas' friends and family. Children as well as teenagers as well as adults as well as older people. Some were silently weeping while others clutched their chests. The children looked confused. They didn't know what was going on or why their parents were sad.  
  
_ Matthias wondered if they had even known Lukas.  
  
 _Slow and heavy steps towards the coffin. A hand in his pocket, fingers grazing a small box. The priest standing beside the coffin condoled with him on the loss of someone so important.  
  
_ Matthias wondered if they had any idea how important.  
  
 _He couldn't look at the priest. Only Lukas got his attention. The closed eyes, the perfect skin. Beautiful nails shimmering with the faintest layer of nail polish. Cheeks having been brushed ever so lightly with a hint of rouge. Short, blond hair caressed his face and the soft velvet he was lying on.  
  
"You are beautiful. But you are missing something."  
  
_ Matthias wondered if he would ever find peace.  
  
 _Fingers withdrew the small box and opened it carefully, like it was a precious box that could endure no damage. He could feel the priest's eyes on him, could feel every person in the church look at him. But he couldn't care. He didn't want to care about them._  
  
I _nside the box he found the beautiful ring he had been given that special Christmas Eve. He had been so excited. Lukas had seemed anxious and restless the entire day and nearly rushed through dinner that he normally loved so much._  
  
 _Carefully, he took Lukas' left hand and slid the ring onto the correct finger._  
  
 _"It would have been a wonderful wedding, love."_  
  
Matthias wondered if he would ever love again.

* * *

  
The days repeated themselves. Matthias woke up. He stared at the empty space beside him. He made hot coffee that got cold while he watched the news. He poured the liquid into the sink. He grabbed his coat and his bag. He went to work.  
  
He kept on doing what he had done for so many years. But never, not once, did 24 hours pass without Matthias thinking of Lukas. The Norwegian was in his thoughts every single day. Especially when he brought flowers to Lukas' tomb. He could use hours there, just staring. Sometimes talking, reliving the memories with someone first a friend, since then a partner, and since then his happiness.  
  
Matthias tried to keep on living, not just surviving. He tried to be happy again, tried to shake off the dark but invisible coat that seemed to shroud him, hug him tightly and envelop him. Visits at the nearby bar became more and more often until Matthias once drank so much he passed out over the counter.  
  
A kind man had helped him back to the apartment he had bought after he could no longer afford living in his and Lukas' apartment. He had the money, that wasn't the problem but his mind couldn't afford living there, let alone his sanity. It had only been a few weeks after the funeral that Matthias started to see Lukas' ghost everywhere. He couldn't keep on dealing with it, it pained him too much.  
  
The man had stayed with him until he woke up and Matthias had recognized him after some water and some painkillers. A good friend. Long time sincethey had seen each other but friends, that they were.  
  
It showed that he had also known Lukas. And when Matthias thought about it, he could remember seeing his face at the funeral. So they began talking again. They established contact and mailed each other daily, sometimes called.  
  
But even if Matthias now had one to talk with, one to share his pain with and a familiar shoulder to cry out on at times, the pain and the memories never left him. He would still wake next to no one and he would still make coffee forno one.  
  
The mug would just stand there. Steaming hot liquid being poured into a white mug with a motif of a moose and two birds on a branch. It would be steaming hot for half an hour, slowly growing cold when no one drank it, let alone touched the porcelain. And in the end, it was wasted. Poured into the sink, only to disappear. Day after day. Week after week and month after month.  
  
It always seemed a waste. 

**Author's Note:**

> First DenNor, yada yada. Sorry for fail-ness.   
> Translations:  
> Åh Gud, nej, nej, nej = Oh God, no, no, no (Danish)  
> “Livigno” is, according to my mom, a terrific place in Italy for skiing.


End file.
